I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
