bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
