Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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