So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
