So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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