Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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