She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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