I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
