worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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