I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
