I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
