Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
