last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
