Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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