whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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