remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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