it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
