I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
