no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
