I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
