so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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