how can u be prego again
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
