If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
