Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i now understand why vodka
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
