But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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