Actions speak louder than pants.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize