You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
