Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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