Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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