Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
