Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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