you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
