this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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