not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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