I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
