I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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