...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
