Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
