i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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