margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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