I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
