Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
