i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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