I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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