Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
