then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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