Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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