haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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