who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
someone owes me an orgasm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
