Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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