I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
