I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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