my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
