He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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