i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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