FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
