I can tuck mytits in my pants
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
