: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
