i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
