I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How external is "for external use only"?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
