He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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