5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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