I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize