What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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