last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
