Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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