Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
