grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
