**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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