I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
