seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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